Money and relationships: what to do about an ugly wedding present ...

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

My sister won?t let me stay in her home. ?Susan? and her husband are going traveling for two weeks, and I asked if I could stay at their place while they?re away. But Susan said ?no.? I think this is unfair. I can?t afford to travel much, so staying in their San Francisco apartment would be a real vacation for me. Shouldn?t my sister be more generous? P.S. I?m not a slob. I take good care of things, and they know it. ? Lynn

Dear Lynn:

Since when does not being a slob automatically entitle you to live in someone else?s home while they?re away?

We know, you and Susan are sisters, and your mother taught you to share. But sharing ice cream as children is a far cry from sharing homes as adults. Adults get to decide for themselves what they wish to share and what they wish to keep for their personal use, with no explanations required.

As for generosity, it?s not up to you to decide what form your sister?s should take; she doesn?t owe you a cheap vacation. Besides, the issue here isn?t generosity, Lynn. It?s boundaries.

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Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

A friend is getting married, and five of us agreed to kick in $75 each in order to buy her something special. When ?Whitney? volunteered to look for a gift, we all said fine and asked her to text us a list of possibilities. Instead, without consulting anyone, she bought a horrible abstract sculpture for $400 ? a sculpture I?m sure our friend will hate. Worse yet, she bought it at a crafts fair, so it can?t be returned. Am I really obligated to pay my share of this? ? Unhappy

Dear Unhappy:

You are if the rest of the wedding-gift gang is OK with the sculpture. You can?t, after all, expect them to pick up your share of the tab just because you don?t care for the gift.

However, if your friends agree that the sculpture is unacceptable and also that Whitney had no business buying it without the group?s approval, then it wouldn?t be unreasonable for the four of you to insist that she bear the cost of her bad judgment and keep the sculpture. That way, your gang could get the happy couple a different gift, while Whitney would end up with a work of art?a piece that hopefully will serve as a reminder to slow down the next time she feels the urge to start spending other people?s money.

Don?t want to be that tough? Fair enough, but don?t ever let Whitney go gift-hunting for you again.

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Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

Last fall, I finally was able to persuade my elderly mother to get the new roof she?s needed for years. It then took three months to find a roofer she was comfortable with. Now, just as Mom is finally ready to sign a contract, a friend has introduced me to a great roofer, and this guy says he can do the job for a significantly lower price. I know if I tell Mom about this, we?ll be back to square one, and I?ll have to hold her hand through another three months of discussions and doubts before anything happens. Frankly, I don?t think I can do this again. I?d like to save my mother the money. But under the circumstances, would it be wrong to ignore the better bid and go with the roofer Mom?s on board for? -Connie

Dear Connie:

It would not. Your mother needs a roof, and you need your time and a little peace. Unless saving that money would make a material difference in your mother?s life, get the job done now. There will be plenty of things in the future that your mother will need your help with. Save your patience, time and energy for them.

Please e-mail your questions about money and relationships to Questions@MoneyManners.net. ? 2012 by Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz0020Distributed by King Features Syndicate

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Posted with permission from moneyville.ca

Source: http://www.suhaag.com/finance/money-and-relationships-what-to-do-about-an-ugly-wedding-present/

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